There was a time my world was good. Filled with love and confidence that a child would need. I remember doing some things as a family but my father was never part of it. I started to look back upon the time I was 5. We were at Universal Studios, it was my birthday, and it was time for us to be seated in the restaurant. There is a man going around the restaurant “shhh the baby is sleeping”, is what he was telling everyone. Next thing you know my dad is screaming and telling us it is time to. We were not even there for 15 minutes. We went home and all I can remember is how my dad ruined my birthday. From there on my dad was never part of any outing my mom would have planned with family. I do remember some camping trips with my mom and cousins. I also remember a few Disneyland trips. I am going to apologize if some are just random memories and if I go from one place to another. I have blocked a lot of my childhood out. I remember going to school one day and I had come home and no one was there. The mail man was there doing mail and saw me crying, he had asked me what was wrong? I responded with no one is home for me. He wrote a note and left it on the door. I remember riding on his lap and he had this long mustache that curled. So he takes me to the post office, I am in awww. The woman worker had on some fake eye lashes there were so many that her eye lashes was all that I truly remember. My mom did come and get me, boy was I able to share some stuff on the way home and how good they were to me.
Age 9
I remember us having foster children and I miss them so much. Desi was about 4-6 months old and I remember John being like 3-4 years of age. We were all so close. My parents decide to divorce. I really don’t have solid proof of whom was cheating on whom. I do know that at my brother’s baseball games there was a gentleman that would show up on his motorcycle to the games. I was a cheerleader for my brother’s team. I forgot to mention my father was a pastor. The gentleman that would show up on his motorcycle was from our church that was in charge of the choir. My mom was gone a lot to do rehearsal for church. So now my parents are separated and my mom and my brother and I, are living with our cousins. My dad shows up furious and yelling and screaming and he takes my brother and I out of the house and has us get into his vehicle. We go back to the home where we were all a family as we know home. Now I had to be the woman of the home and cook, clean, you name it the burden fell on me. I would get my brother up and have him get ready for school. This went on for a good 6 months. So one night my dad came home from work and informed us that we now have a babysitter and we will be going to this house around the corner. This woman had 4 children of her own. So the woman would make us dinner before we went home and my dad would always sit next to her. I remember there were times they would go to her room and lock the door. I remember a meal she made that we had never had before and her culture was different than ours. She made some black eye pea soup it looked gross but it tasted oh so good. It was delicious. So we go home and my routine started and I was thankful I didn’t have to dinner because by the time I was finished it would be 9PM. Time to take my shower, make sure my brother showered and got his stuff ready for the next day. So this goes on for a few months. My father and the baby sitter are now in a relationship. My mom now has moved out of our cousins home and was living with the gentleman that had the motorcycle. We go on a visit to see my mom and I remember waking up crying for her. She told me I am a big girl and that I needed to go back to sleep. All I wanted was to be where my mom was and got denied to be near her. We go back home with my dad. We would visit with my mom every other weekend.
Age 11
My parents are now divorced, and as I have said before they both have moved on. But my brother and I are still with our father since he has custody. I don’t know how it happened but for him to have custody was the biggest mistake of all. My brother and I are now being sexually abused by our stepbrother and going through some really bad emotional abuse and being told that we are not to tell anyone or he will kill the family and start with our father. I remember being asleep at night and waking up to my stepbrother touching me. It made me feel so dirty and I hated being in my skin. I remember scrubbing my hands my body and no matter how much I scrubbed the dirtier I felt. Here I am thinking of all that happened and how a knife was put to me saying if I tell my dad that he is going to un-live him. I was so scared. Every time I saw what happened I would run to the bathroom and lock the door and wash my hands, jumped in the shower and scrub, but no matter what I did I couldn’t get that clean feeling. I would cry quietly at night. Finally my mom gets a visit with us for a weekend. I wanted to be close to my mom but it was hard. Sadly when Sunday arrives my brother and I hid in the kitchen cupboards screaming please don’t make me go. My brother was crying and sI was begging not to go back there. My mom was scared due to the court order of custody. We are forced to go back where we were abused. My brother and step sister decided to record over music
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